In Tents

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor hasn't gone camping in a few years.

The last time he went camping, it was with Jane Foster, Darcy, and Darcy's intern, who Thor was pretty convinced was her boyfriend. For most of the trip, Darcy and her intern were fighting loudly; Jane was constantly on her cellular phone because her calls kept dropping and there was some emergency at a conference she was guest speaking at; Thor spent much of that first evening casually eating a bag and a half of marshmallows at the fire before Darcy voiced her protest and he was barred from eating more for the rest of the trip, much to Thor's dismay.

Thor might have overpacked for the trip, but Thor was of the mind that it was better to be overprepared than under -- and that it was better to have too many marshmallows than not enough. When four hours had passed and they reached their destination, he set down their belongings and began to set up camp.

"I never pegged you for the camping type," Thor says, pulling the tent poles out of their sheath. Maybe he was, and Thor had just never known it. It just always seemed like Tony was into tech so much that he couldn't stand to be without it.

Comments

[st_ormbreaker]

"It's okay to lose it," he says, letting Tony use his shoulder for whatever he wants to. He knows Tony is likely just going to say "okay" or "it's okay", and Thor vaguely recalls saying it himself a few weeks ago, when he finally came clear about Thanos. "Be angry if you need to be."

Or sad. He remembers how he blew up at the Hulk months ago now for him insinuating he was sad. Thor didn't want to be. And more importantly, he didn't want anyone to think he was.

Thor wonders if Tony feels that way now. If he feels shame, the same way he did, when he broke down in front of Tony about Loki and about Thanos.

Thor doesn't want Tony to feel that way, but he knows there is no way he can change how he feels.

Thor rises to his feet, and ineffectually dusts off the front of his pants.

All he can do is be there when he feels it.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

The mere sound of Thor's voice was soothing in and of itself, whether the man knew it or not. Tony hugged himself and wandered closer to the fire for the chill lingering in his skin.

"I'm all of those things. But that's not what matters. Staying focused--that is."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor joins Tony there at the fire. He looks down at it. For a moment, its crackles are the only sound between them.

Thor tries to dredge the words forward, but they don't come easily. He swallows the hard lump that formed in his throat the second Tony said that all he needed was to stay focused.

"I once believed all I needed to do was stay focused," he says, his voice steady. "I thought that if my feelings survived after I had seen things through, I could deal with them then.

"It wasn't true." It's the most that Thor can manage to say about the situation. "All I wanted was something to distract me from dealing with it."

If Thanos had died, Thor would have found something else to focus on: finding whatever Asgardians still floated in space and burying them; finding what remained of his people and leading them; groping at any chance to keep him from thinking about all he had lost. Even now, Thor's days were filled with distractions so he wouldn't have the time to focus on what he felt.

Thor begins to turn his head to look at Tony, but stops before he does completely.

"You may believe those feelings are powerful motivators, but they are going to seep into everything that you do, even if you think they won't."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony chuckled in a sincere manner, however quietly. He was surprised he had it in him.

"Look at you. So full of...kingly wisdom." He edged over until his back was against Thor's chest. He took the larger man's hands and slid them into his own pockets, keeping them buried there to warm his own chilled fingers.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor has to hunch over to manage it, but he rests his chin on Tony's shoulder.

"I'm just good at faking it," he says.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Insecurity suits you most ill." Tony squeezes his knuckles. It calmed the remnant trembling in his hands.

"I'm not unwilling. Just exhausted." He swayed gently back against Thor's form. "My folks--they're gone. It was almost 25 years to the day when I got sucked in here."

The fire crackled, filling another stretch of silence.

"There's nothing to win--nothing to avenge by going after Barnes. Him or Loki." His expression hardened. "But every time I look at them, I see them. My folks. The victims of the Battle Of New York--1 through 74. Coulson. I couldn't protect their lives, and now I can't honor their memories. That's how it is."

It wasn't logical, he knew. Not killing, playing nice--it felt like sacrilege.

"Before you ask if I regret playing pacifist, I don't. The situation, for what it is, is far better than it has any right to be."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor's feelings on all of this are complicated, and he doesn't particularly want to reflect on how they simultaneously mirror and contradict his own, depending on who he is thinking about.

So he doesn't.

Thor straightens, but he doesn't withdraw his hands from Tony's pockets. He likes the feeling of Tony's hands against his own, the press of Tony's back against his chest. It's just not particularly comfortable to talk when your chin is against someone else's shoulder.

"You're the one who makes the calls," he tells him. "You just tell me what you need to make it easier."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Tonight? Yeah, that's easy. Just you." Tony tilted his head back all the way to see his chin in a familiar gesture. "Pardon the utter schmaltz."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor isn't entirely sure what schamltz is, but he can deduce enough from context that it still draws a smile out of him.

"Just us, the fire, and some marshmallows." And ramen, too, though Thor had considerably less interest in the ramen than he did in the white fluffy nuggets of sugar and gelatin.

Thor finally withdraws his hands from Tony's pockets.

"I want you to tell me about all the things I missed out on," he says. "The good things." There had to be good things.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony drew forward to mind the water that was coming to a boil. In went the noodles.

"The biggest bright spot? The kid--Peter. Spider-Man, he prefers." It wasn't an exaggeration. There were some happy moments amongst the remaining team since Sokovia but a shadow had fallen over them all the way. "He's the future."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor sits down next to the fire and dangles an arm over one knee.

"How'd you find him?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Queens suburb. He was already doing the superhero thing, tried to be incognito. I filled in the blanks and went from there." Tony stirred the loosening noodles in a perfect circle.

[st_ormbreaker]

"I met him the other night, you know." Thor couldn't keep hearing about the boy and not actually meet him formally. It had to happen eventually. "Came up and introduced himself. He was quite nervous."

Thor smiles, then looks over at Tony, still busy with his ramen

"Was he like that the first time he met you, Mr. Stark?" he asks, teasingly.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"He's got a bit of an attitude now. Thank God. Boy is too damn polite." Tony was clearly a good influence. "Him and Liz both. I've got this weird thing where I want to shrink them down and put them in my pocket."

[st_ormbreaker]

"Is Stark Industries branching out into shrink ray machines?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"That's up to Pepper. I'm just the pretty face." Tony twirled the fork in the noodles idly. Still al dente.

Seasoning, soon. Seasoning. Pepper. His engagement. That was good--really good. Tony kept silent.

"Vision's working out better than you'd ever think."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor is grateful that Tony is eating. Sure, it might include 200% of a human's daily recommended sodium, but it was something -- and something was better than nothing right now.

And who knew the next time that Tony would eat something unprompted?

But then, Tony brings him up. Vision.

"Is he?" Thor manages a smile. "I'd hope so, he's the closest you and Banner are going to get to having a baby together."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony swiveled around to gesture right at Thor. "Hey, you're in there too, Daddy Thor. This is a ménage we got going on." He waved the little foil seasoning packet to emphasize each word before ripping it open.

"He's also too damn polite. Guess that's gonna be a thing with all my kids."

[st_ormbreaker]

"Well, I'm glad at least one of his dads stuck around," he says. He and Banner-slash-Hulk left Earth pretty quickly during or after the whole Sokovia incident.

"I don't know where they get the polite thing from," Thor says, "because it's certainly not from you."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Oh, is it from you, Mr. Throttle First, Question Later?" Tony touched his neck gently, working his jaw.

[st_ormbreaker]

"I never claimed to be a good father figure," Thor says. "I'm sure Vision gets it from Banner, mild-mannered as he is." Any child that took after Thor or Tony (especially in combination) was destined to be a wild child.

"Besides, you're well-practiced at getting under another man's skin. It's one of your god-given ablities -- a smart mouth and poor impulse control."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Dare I say, this is really sounding like you've given some thought to this subject. A cross between you and me. Thorson? Tonyson?" Content to merely sit and let the noodles cook for awhile longer, Tony gestured in a coaxing manner at the man beside him. "C'mon, you must have."

[st_ormbreaker]

"There had to be some way to fill in those long nights alone in space," he says."Thornyson? I'm not sure if that's better than one or the other."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"For as often as you skirt the protection, I have a hard time you're imagining anything else." Tony punched him in the shoulder. "No, the armor doesn't count, and you damn well know it."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor grins at Tony's sorry attempt at a punch.

"Are you saying you want to have another child with me, Stark? There are ways to make it happen."

Not here, of course, but there were other places in the universe where two or more genetic cocktails could be mixed to make new life regardless of the sexes of the child's would-be parents.