In Tents

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor hasn't gone camping in a few years.

The last time he went camping, it was with Jane Foster, Darcy, and Darcy's intern, who Thor was pretty convinced was her boyfriend. For most of the trip, Darcy and her intern were fighting loudly; Jane was constantly on her cellular phone because her calls kept dropping and there was some emergency at a conference she was guest speaking at; Thor spent much of that first evening casually eating a bag and a half of marshmallows at the fire before Darcy voiced her protest and he was barred from eating more for the rest of the trip, much to Thor's dismay.

Thor might have overpacked for the trip, but Thor was of the mind that it was better to be overprepared than under -- and that it was better to have too many marshmallows than not enough. When four hours had passed and they reached their destination, he set down their belongings and began to set up camp.

"I never pegged you for the camping type," Thor says, pulling the tent poles out of their sheath. Maybe he was, and Thor had just never known it. It just always seemed like Tony was into tech so much that he couldn't stand to be without it.

Comments

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor sits down next to the fire and dangles an arm over one knee.

"How'd you find him?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Queens suburb. He was already doing the superhero thing, tried to be incognito. I filled in the blanks and went from there." Tony stirred the loosening noodles in a perfect circle.

[st_ormbreaker]

"I met him the other night, you know." Thor couldn't keep hearing about the boy and not actually meet him formally. It had to happen eventually. "Came up and introduced himself. He was quite nervous."

Thor smiles, then looks over at Tony, still busy with his ramen

"Was he like that the first time he met you, Mr. Stark?" he asks, teasingly.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"He's got a bit of an attitude now. Thank God. Boy is too damn polite." Tony was clearly a good influence. "Him and Liz both. I've got this weird thing where I want to shrink them down and put them in my pocket."

[st_ormbreaker]

"Is Stark Industries branching out into shrink ray machines?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"That's up to Pepper. I'm just the pretty face." Tony twirled the fork in the noodles idly. Still al dente.

Seasoning, soon. Seasoning. Pepper. His engagement. That was good--really good. Tony kept silent.

"Vision's working out better than you'd ever think."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor is grateful that Tony is eating. Sure, it might include 200% of a human's daily recommended sodium, but it was something -- and something was better than nothing right now.

And who knew the next time that Tony would eat something unprompted?

But then, Tony brings him up. Vision.

"Is he?" Thor manages a smile. "I'd hope so, he's the closest you and Banner are going to get to having a baby together."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony swiveled around to gesture right at Thor. "Hey, you're in there too, Daddy Thor. This is a ménage we got going on." He waved the little foil seasoning packet to emphasize each word before ripping it open.

"He's also too damn polite. Guess that's gonna be a thing with all my kids."

[st_ormbreaker]

"Well, I'm glad at least one of his dads stuck around," he says. He and Banner-slash-Hulk left Earth pretty quickly during or after the whole Sokovia incident.

"I don't know where they get the polite thing from," Thor says, "because it's certainly not from you."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Oh, is it from you, Mr. Throttle First, Question Later?" Tony touched his neck gently, working his jaw.

[st_ormbreaker]

"I never claimed to be a good father figure," Thor says. "I'm sure Vision gets it from Banner, mild-mannered as he is." Any child that took after Thor or Tony (especially in combination) was destined to be a wild child.

"Besides, you're well-practiced at getting under another man's skin. It's one of your god-given ablities -- a smart mouth and poor impulse control."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Dare I say, this is really sounding like you've given some thought to this subject. A cross between you and me. Thorson? Tonyson?" Content to merely sit and let the noodles cook for awhile longer, Tony gestured in a coaxing manner at the man beside him. "C'mon, you must have."

[st_ormbreaker]

"There had to be some way to fill in those long nights alone in space," he says."Thornyson? I'm not sure if that's better than one or the other."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"For as often as you skirt the protection, I have a hard time you're imagining anything else." Tony punched him in the shoulder. "No, the armor doesn't count, and you damn well know it."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor grins at Tony's sorry attempt at a punch.

"Are you saying you want to have another child with me, Stark? There are ways to make it happen."

Not here, of course, but there were other places in the universe where two or more genetic cocktails could be mixed to make new life regardless of the sexes of the child's would-be parents.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony's hand froze on Thor's skin.

"Wait...what?" Tony felt his heart stop. "This better not be you dropping some bomb about what Asgardian physiology is capable of because if I've got something baking in me Odinson I swear to Christian God--"

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor gives Tony's stomach a friendly pat.

"I'm afraid there are no beautiful, long-haired babies in your immediate future," he says, giving Tony's stomach one final pat. "Despite our remarkable genetics, Asgardians aren't particularly fertile. It probably worked out for the best, given our longevity."

Worked. It wasn't exactly going to do Asgard's survivors any favors now.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

It was incredibly concerning that Thor's reply was "we have low fertility rates" rather than "you have an XY, not an XX, settle down."

"'Immediate.'"

[st_ormbreaker]

"Immediate," Thor confirms.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony narrowed his eyes and pushed up. He needed that whiskey he stowed away something fierce.

"While you're having a giggle, I'm going to deliberate over whether you get to maintain rubber-free priveleges." A beat. "Deliberation done. No."

[st_ormbreaker]

"I'd let your tiny, adorable, big-headed babies gestate inside of me!"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Thanks."

The whiskey went down like a cleansing fire straight into his chest. Maybe it could do the same for his brain if he drank enough.

"Someone has to."

[st_ormbreaker]

"I just wanted to make sure you knew precisely how much I like you," Thor says, stretching a hand out for the bottle.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Too bad we'll never know, huh?" Tony reluctantly handed over the bottle, which he had been drinking straight from. What else was there but to lean into the utter weirdness?

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor takes a swig from the bottle, then hands it back over.

"Not without some science and/or magical intervention," Thor says. "I've seen weirder than that for sure."