st_ormbreaker | (no subject)

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Thor started off by knocking. When Loki didn't answer, he let himself in.

It doesn't take him long to find him. The first floor is easy enough to survey, and he saw from outside that Loki wasn't on the roof or the balcony, which left only the upper floor of Loki's room. As gifted as an illusionist as Loki was, it was easy enough for him to see through the alcove, particularly since he was already intimately familiar with the layout of the room.

Thor passes through it easily and drops the journal on the edge of the bed with a little thump.

"We're going to talk about this," he says in a tone that broaches no argument. It is simply a fact. Thor has no interest in wallowing in his own misery, and he has even less interest in allowing his brother to wallow in his own because of him.

It's time to talk.

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Thor wants to protest, to insist that Loki is his responsibility because he's his older brother, but he knows that it will fall on deaf ears.

"Okay," he says finally, and he rises to his feet, then grabs the journal.

"Are you going to be all right?"

“As I ever am, yes.” There were a number of hard limits regarding how ‘all right’ Loki could be, at least by general estimation, but if he didn’t have to completely cut the few connections (or one connection) he had he’d swing back to equilibrium quickly enough.

Thor attempts a smile.

"Okay," he says again, and he heads down the stairs and toward the door.

Now that was a gargoyle face; Thor was clearly nowhere near as good at fake smiles as Loki was. It was no doubt due to the fact that he'd never practiced.

He slid off the bed, out of the alcove (dismissing the illusory wall as he went) and down the stairs. This time, rather than wait to see what Thor would do, he used telekinetic force to hold the door closed.

If Thor was determined to leave, it wouldn't hold him - he'd just call his mini-Bifrost and go where he willed. Beyond that, well... this could be part of talking. "What's that expression, brother? Remember that you're terrible at lying."

"I'm allowed to have expressions, you know," Thor says as he tries to shrug off the bad feelings. "Even weird ones."

"True enough, but I'm still asking." Ordinarily, he'd smile - a fake but practiced expression that meant whatever he wanted it to mean. This time he didn't. No sense showing off! "Also, in control of the door."

Thor turns. "I'm tired," he complains for starters, since Loki really wants to hear it. "And when I return home, it will be to a reality shot to Hel and I hate thinking about it."

"Then don't think about it." If Loki had been more given to physical contact, someone who reached out or offered hugs, he would have. But centuries of habit meant he was better suited to watch closely while trying not to appear awkward. "You're likely to be here for years, and you've done everything you can reasonably be expected to do. Take my advice this one time, brother: let it go. You have your human, your roses, various friends - enjoy them and let the future fend for itself."

"Great, I never thought of that. How fortunate that I have a brother who can do the real deep thinking for me."

“You mock, but the voice of experience doesn’t have to be deep.” Now Loki did offer his best smile. “You’ve had a bleak future for a few months, brother.” And it was unlikely to be permanent. Thor was resilient and attracted support, there was every chance he’d adjust and heal and be tolerably happy in time. “I’ve had mine much longer than that, and barring the occasional hiccup I manage well enough.”

Thor doesn't think that bleak future really adequately covers what exactly he has to look forward to, but he's at least willing to acknowledge that his brother is trying to comfort him, and it's not something he does very often.

Thor attempts to swallow his irritation.

"You're right," he concedes. "Probably." He's not sure how he feels about potentially becoming acclimated to a future in which Thanos wins and half of life is wiped out of the universe entirely, but maybe -- maybe that'll be an option after he kills Thanos.

"That comfort hardly helps right now."

“Well, no. The whole thing takes practice, but it does get easier with said practice.” Loki tilted his head, then gestured towards the balcony. “Let’s go outside, brother. I think the frog story may actually be appropriate now.” And who knew when he’d have a better opportunity?

Thor doesn't say anything, but he does head for the door, tucks the journal under one arm, and reaches for the handle with the other.

It's cool outside, and a little rainy, but the rain's never really bothered Thor. He sets Stormbreaker down, shifts the journal into his hand and leans against the balcony.

"Tell me the story."

Loki followed, then leaned back on the railing, finding the best possible position to watch his brother. “I know I mentioned it, but it bears repeating that this story truly has nothing to do with you. You were... incidental. All right? I don’t tell you this to guilt you at all and admit my fault up front.”

Thor looks at his brother, curious. "All right."

It would be interesting to see if that actually held, but it was a good start.

He’d never actually talked about that whole thing before, and figuring out how to start was... awkward. But trying to figure that out gave Loki an idea. “Do you remember Lady Sigyn at all? We would have been very young, it won’t surprise me if you don’t.”

"Vaguely."

It's true. All he really remembers about her is that she seemed very chatty (at least she couldn't seem to stop talking to him) and was really pretty. Not his type, but still attractive.

At this point, Loki himself didn’t remember her in much detail either. Pretty, yes, very. He vaguely remembered a very charming laugh. But it had been centuries. He wasn’t even sure what had happened to her. Had she been married off somewhere...? Probably. “I liked her, very much. But she wanted you.”

"Oh," Thor says to that. He's pretty sure he knows where this is going.

“I seem to recall the two of you had a fling, but even if you didn’t, I was... angry at you. So, frog. And I was sent to the Isle of Silence until I agreed to change you back.” It was always an effective punishment. Sooner or later Loki would do anything to be released from the Isle, though on this occasion he’d held out longer than usual.

Oddly, not for resentment. He’d been thinking, and then he’d vented where no one could hear. “There wasn’t much to do there but think, and I realized that Sigyn was my normal. I was no one’s choice, anyone who noticed me disliked me. It wasn’t your fault everyone loved you. It still isn’t.” Loki took a deep breath, then sighed it out. “So I... learned my lesson. I learned not to look or think, and found ways that actually do work, on occasion. And everyone’s been better for it. Particularly you, as you got to stop being a frog as soo. As I felt I could face reality without screaming.”

Thor takes this all in. It never occurred to him that Loki might have liked anyone who liked him, let alone that be the reason for his sudden frog transformation.

Neither did he think that his brother was convinced that nobody liked him.

Thor looks out at the rain. "Why are you so sure that people dislike you?" he asks. "There's plenty of people out here that seem to like you well enough."

“Why, because you do?” Loki shook his head. “I can get along when I need to, I can reach ‘tolerated’ when no one has a choice in the matter. But I am and have always been fundamentally not likable.” What other reason could there be? People had never needed reasons to hate him, even before he’d started providing good reasons; he had been reason enough by himself. “It’s just the way things are.”

"If people tolerated you, do you think they'd actively seek out your company?" If Thor had noticed anything, Loki had a few people who spoke to him on the regular. Even if Loki believed those people weren't his friends, Thor was certain of it.

“They don’t. You do. And Stark does, because he enjoys testing his ability to avoid trying to kill me.” Thor’s regard wasn’t in question. He was a distinct oddity in the universe, but there had to be one exception to prove the rule.

Thor knows better at this point than to argue about it. Loki is determined to believe he's unlikable, and no amount of arguing will change that.

"Did you want romantic companionship with her?" he asks instead.